So it was only a matter of time. We knew it was coming.
We had our first inquirey into why we aren't pregnant yet. Infertility is an interesting topic and brings out different emotions in both people experiencing it as well as the people they interact with on a daily basis. It tends to make people uncomfortable. Some couples want no one to know about their infertility, they feel it is a private matter. I get that. The less people who know, the fewer stupid comments and suggestions you are subjected to. Frank and I feel that infertility is a medical problem and should not be something to be ashamed of, if one of us had diabetes or cancer we would not hide it so why hide infertility. That said, what is the right level of disclosure? My friends know, my mom knows, the rest of our families do not. Not because we do not want them to know but because we did not think Christmas was the time to bring it up. Pass the turkey, we're infertile.
Frank recieved an email last night from one of his best friends, a groomswoman in our wedding, asking what was going on in the baby making department. We have fully expected that some of our friends who do not know the specifics have figured it out by now. We are way past 20 something and have always said we wanted children. Some of these friends have experienced infertility themselves and now have children as a result of treatment. So, Frank told her about our testing and treatment thus far, all part of if you ask we will tell. A group of his friends are going for a girls weekend at the beach this week and I am sure we will be the topic of conversation. Let the stupid comments begin!
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Hump day
So the craptastic organization I work for failed to withhold ANY state taxes for 2007. That was a fun discovery at the beginning of the week. They know they screwed up royally and I am waiting word on their solution, which better be that they pay them. Otherwise that would put a total damper in what little we have saved for IVF.
In other news, I had my first monitoring session today and have a 15mm follicle, a 16 mm follicle and a few 12s. I have to call this afternoon to speak with my Dr because I did not want to consult with the partner who was there today (the one who tried to talk us out of IUI last month). I am sure I will be back there for more monitoring on Friday and possible IUI this weekend. More so, I want a long term plan.
And I really want this week to end.
In other news, I had my first monitoring session today and have a 15mm follicle, a 16 mm follicle and a few 12s. I have to call this afternoon to speak with my Dr because I did not want to consult with the partner who was there today (the one who tried to talk us out of IUI last month). I am sure I will be back there for more monitoring on Friday and possible IUI this weekend. More so, I want a long term plan.
And I really want this week to end.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Letter
So I totally stole this from the internet and it is not a perfect fit, but pretty close.
I want to share my feelings about infertility with you, because I want you to understand my struggle. I know that understanding infertility is difficult; there are times when it seems even I don't understand. This struggle has provoked intense and unfamiliar feelings in me and I fear that my reactions to these feelings might be misunderstood. I hope my ability to cope and your ability to understand will improve as I share my feelings with you. I want you to understand.
You may describe me this way: obsessed, moody, helpless, depressed, envious, too serious, obnoxious, aggressive, antagonistic, and cynical. These aren't very admirable traits; no wonder your understanding of my infertility is difficult. I prefer to describe me this way: confused, rushed and impatient, afraid, isolated and alone, guilty and ashamed, angry, sad and hopeless, and unsettled.
My infertility makes me feel confused. I always assumed I was fertile. I've spent years avoiding pregnancy and now it seems ironic that I can't conceive. I hope this will be a brief difficulty with a simple solution such as poor timing. I feel confused about whether I want to be pregnant or whether I want to be a parent. Surely if I try harder, try longer, try better and smarter, I will have a baby.
My infertility makes me feel rushed and impatient. I learned of my infertility only after I'd been trying to become pregnant for some time. My life-plan suddenly is behind schedule. I waited to become a parent and now I must wait again. I wait for medical appointments, wait for tests, wait for treatments, wait for other treatments, wait for my period not to come, wait for my partner not to be out of town and wait for pregnancy. At best, I have only twelve opportunities each year. How old will I be when I finish having my family?
My infertility makes me feel afraid. Infertility is full of unknowns, and I'm frightened because I need some definite answers. How long will this last? What if I'm never a parent? What humiliation must I endure? What pain must I suffer? Why do drugs I take to help me, make me feel worse? Why can't my body do the things that my mind wants it to do? Why do I hurt so much? I'm afraid of my feelings, afraid of my undependable body and afraid of my future.
My infertility makes me feel isolated and alone. Reminders of babies are everywhere. I must be the only one enduring this invisible curse. I stay away from others, because everything makes me hurt. No one knows how horrible is my pain. Even though I'm usually a clear thinker, I find myself being lured by superstitions and promises. I think I'm losing perspective. I feel so alone and I wonder if I'll survive this.
My infertility makes me feel guilty and ashamed. Frequently I forget that infertility is a medical problem and should be treated as one. Infertility destroys my self esteem and I feel like a failure. Why am I being punished? What did I do to deserve this? Am I not worthy of a baby? Am I not a good sexual partner? Will my partner want to remain with me? Is this the end of my family lineage? Will my family be ashamed of me? It is easy to lose self-confidence and to feel ashamed.My infertility makes me feel angry. Everything makes me angry, and I know much of my anger is misdirected. I'm angry at my body because it has betrayed me even though I've always taken care of it. I'm angry at my partner because we can't seem to feel the same about infertility at the same time. I want and need an advocate to help me. I'm angry at my family because they've always sheltered and protected me from terrible pain. My younger sibling is pregnant; my mother wants a family reunion to show off her grandchildren and my grandparents want to pass down family heirlooms. I'm angry at my medical caregivers, because it seems that they control my future. They humiliate me, inflict pain on me, pry into my privacy, patronize me, and sometimes forget who I am. How can I impress on them how important parenting is to me? I'm angry at my expenses; infertility treatment is extremely expensive. My financial resources may determine my family size. My insurance company isn't cooperative, and I must make so many sacrifices to pay the medical bills. I can't miss any more work, or I'll lose my job. I can't go to a specialist, because it means more travel time, more missed work, and greater expenses. Finally, I'm angry at everyone else. Everyone has opinions about my inability to become a parent. Everyone has easy solutions. Everyone seems to know too little and say too much.
My infertility makes me feel sad and hopeless. Infertility feels like I've lost my future, and no one knows of my sadness. I feel hopeless; infertility robs me of my energy. I've never cried so much nor so easily. I'm sad that my infertility places my marriage under so much strain. I'm sad that my infertility requires me to be so self-centered. I'm sad that I've ignored many friendships because this struggle hurts so much and demands so much energy. Friends with children prefer the company of other families with children. I'm surrounded by babies, pregnant women, playgrounds, baby showers, birth stories, kids' movies, birthday parties and much more. I feel so sad and hopeless. My infertility makes me feel unsettled. My life is on hold. Making decisions about my immediate and my long-term future seems impossible. I can't decide about education, career, purchasing a home, pursuing a hobby, getting a pet, vacations, business trips and houseguests. The more I struggle with my infertility, the less control I have. This struggle has no timetable; the treatments have no guarantees. The only sure things are that I need to be near my partner at fertile times and near my doctor at treatment times. Should I pursue adoption? Should I take expensive drugs? Should I pursue more specialized and costly medical intervention? It feels unsettling to have no clear, easy answers or guarantees.
Occasionally I feel my panic subside. I'm learning some helpful ways to cope; I'm now convinced I'm not crazy, and I believe I'll survive. I'm learning to listen to my body and to be assertive, not aggressive, about my needs. I'm realizing that good medical care and good emotional care are not necessarily found in the same place. I'm trying to be more than an infertile person gaining enthusiasm, joyfulness, and zest for life.
You can help me. I know you care about me and I know my infertility affects our relationship. My sadness causes you sadness; what hurts me, hurts you, too. I believe we can help each other through this sadness. Individually we both seem quite powerless, but together we can be stronger. Maybe some of these hints will help us to better understand infertility.
I need you to be a listener. Talking about my struggle helps me to make decisions. Let me know you are available for me. It's difficult for me to expose my private thoughts if you are rushed or have a deadline for the end of our conversation. Please don't tell me of all the worse things that have happened to others or how easily someone else's infertility was solved. Every case is individual. Please don't just give advice; instead, guide me with your questions. Assure me that you respect my confidences, and then be certain that you deserve my trust. While listening try to maintain an open mind. I need you to be supportive. Understand that my decisions aren't made casually,I've agonized over them. Remind me that you respect these decisions even if you disagree with them, because you know they are made carefully. Don't ask me, "Are you sure?" Repeatedly remind me that you love me no matter what. I need to hear it so badly. Let me know you understand that this is very hard work. Help me realize that I may need additional support from professional caregivers and appropriate organizations. Perhaps you can suggest resources. You might also need support for yourself, and I fear I'm unable to provide it for you; please don't expect me to do so. Help me to keep sight of my goal.
I need you to be comfortable with me, and then I also will feel more comfortable. Talking about infertility sometimes feels awkward. Are you worried you might say the wrong thing? Share those feelings with me. Ask me if I want to talk. Sometimes I will want to, and sometimes I won't, but it will remind me that you care.
I need you to be sensitive. Although I may joke about infertility to help myself cope, it doesn't seem as funny when others joke about it. Please don't tease me with remarks like, "You don't seem to know how to do it." Don't trivialize my struggle by saying, "I'd be glad to give you one of my kids." It's no comfort to hear empty reassurances like, "You'll be a parent by this time next year." Don't minimize my feelings with, "You shouldn't be so unhappy." For now, don't push me into uncomfortable situations like baby showers or family reunions. I already feel sad and guilty; please don't also make me feel guilty for disappointing you.
I need you to be honest with me. Let me know that you may need time to adjust to some of my decisions. I also needed adjustment time. If there are things you don't understand, say so. Please be gentle when you guide me to be realistic about things I can't change such as my age, some medical conditions, financial resources, and employment obligations. Don't hide information about others' pregnancies from me. Although such news makes me feel very sad, it feels worse when you leave me out.
I need you to be informed. Your advice and suggestions are only frustrating to me me if they aren't based on fact. Be well informed so you can educate others when they make remarks based on myths. Don't let anyone tell you that my infertility will be cured if I relax and adopt. Don't tell me this is God's will. Don't ask me to justify my need to parent. Don't criticize my course of action or my choice of physician even though I may do that myself. Reassure yourself that I am also searching for plenty of information which helps me make more knowledgeable decisions about my options.
I need you to be patient. Remember that working through infertility is a process. It takes time. There are no guarantees, no package deals, no complete kits, no one right answer, and no "quickie" choices. My needs change; my choices change. Yesterday I demanded privacy, but today I need you for strength. You have many feelings about infertility, and I do too. Please allow me to have anger, joy, sadness, and hope. Don't minimize or evaluate my feelings. Just allow me to have them, and give me time.
I need you to be strengthening by boosting my self esteem. My sense of worthlessness hampers my ability to take charge. My personal privacy has repeatedly been invaded. I've been subjected to postcoital exams, semen collection in waiting room bathrooms, and tests in rooms next to labor rooms. Enjoyable experiences with you such as a lunch date, a shopping trip, or a visit to a museum help me feel normal.Encourage me to maintain my sense of humor; guide me to find joys. Celebrate with me my successes, even ones as small as making it through a medical appointment without crying. Remind me that I am more than an infertile person. Help me by sharing your strength.Eventually I will be beyond the struggle of infertility. I know my infertility will never completely go away because it will change my life. I won't be able to return to the person I was before infertility, but I also will no longer be controlled by this struggle. I will leave the struggle behind me, and from that I will have improved my skills for empathy, patience, resilience, forgiveness, decision-making and self-assessment. I feel grateful that you are trying to ease my journey through this infertility struggle by giving me your understanding.
I want to share my feelings about infertility with you, because I want you to understand my struggle. I know that understanding infertility is difficult; there are times when it seems even I don't understand. This struggle has provoked intense and unfamiliar feelings in me and I fear that my reactions to these feelings might be misunderstood. I hope my ability to cope and your ability to understand will improve as I share my feelings with you. I want you to understand.
You may describe me this way: obsessed, moody, helpless, depressed, envious, too serious, obnoxious, aggressive, antagonistic, and cynical. These aren't very admirable traits; no wonder your understanding of my infertility is difficult. I prefer to describe me this way: confused, rushed and impatient, afraid, isolated and alone, guilty and ashamed, angry, sad and hopeless, and unsettled.
My infertility makes me feel confused. I always assumed I was fertile. I've spent years avoiding pregnancy and now it seems ironic that I can't conceive. I hope this will be a brief difficulty with a simple solution such as poor timing. I feel confused about whether I want to be pregnant or whether I want to be a parent. Surely if I try harder, try longer, try better and smarter, I will have a baby.
My infertility makes me feel rushed and impatient. I learned of my infertility only after I'd been trying to become pregnant for some time. My life-plan suddenly is behind schedule. I waited to become a parent and now I must wait again. I wait for medical appointments, wait for tests, wait for treatments, wait for other treatments, wait for my period not to come, wait for my partner not to be out of town and wait for pregnancy. At best, I have only twelve opportunities each year. How old will I be when I finish having my family?
My infertility makes me feel afraid. Infertility is full of unknowns, and I'm frightened because I need some definite answers. How long will this last? What if I'm never a parent? What humiliation must I endure? What pain must I suffer? Why do drugs I take to help me, make me feel worse? Why can't my body do the things that my mind wants it to do? Why do I hurt so much? I'm afraid of my feelings, afraid of my undependable body and afraid of my future.
My infertility makes me feel isolated and alone. Reminders of babies are everywhere. I must be the only one enduring this invisible curse. I stay away from others, because everything makes me hurt. No one knows how horrible is my pain. Even though I'm usually a clear thinker, I find myself being lured by superstitions and promises. I think I'm losing perspective. I feel so alone and I wonder if I'll survive this.
My infertility makes me feel guilty and ashamed. Frequently I forget that infertility is a medical problem and should be treated as one. Infertility destroys my self esteem and I feel like a failure. Why am I being punished? What did I do to deserve this? Am I not worthy of a baby? Am I not a good sexual partner? Will my partner want to remain with me? Is this the end of my family lineage? Will my family be ashamed of me? It is easy to lose self-confidence and to feel ashamed.My infertility makes me feel angry. Everything makes me angry, and I know much of my anger is misdirected. I'm angry at my body because it has betrayed me even though I've always taken care of it. I'm angry at my partner because we can't seem to feel the same about infertility at the same time. I want and need an advocate to help me. I'm angry at my family because they've always sheltered and protected me from terrible pain. My younger sibling is pregnant; my mother wants a family reunion to show off her grandchildren and my grandparents want to pass down family heirlooms. I'm angry at my medical caregivers, because it seems that they control my future. They humiliate me, inflict pain on me, pry into my privacy, patronize me, and sometimes forget who I am. How can I impress on them how important parenting is to me? I'm angry at my expenses; infertility treatment is extremely expensive. My financial resources may determine my family size. My insurance company isn't cooperative, and I must make so many sacrifices to pay the medical bills. I can't miss any more work, or I'll lose my job. I can't go to a specialist, because it means more travel time, more missed work, and greater expenses. Finally, I'm angry at everyone else. Everyone has opinions about my inability to become a parent. Everyone has easy solutions. Everyone seems to know too little and say too much.
My infertility makes me feel sad and hopeless. Infertility feels like I've lost my future, and no one knows of my sadness. I feel hopeless; infertility robs me of my energy. I've never cried so much nor so easily. I'm sad that my infertility places my marriage under so much strain. I'm sad that my infertility requires me to be so self-centered. I'm sad that I've ignored many friendships because this struggle hurts so much and demands so much energy. Friends with children prefer the company of other families with children. I'm surrounded by babies, pregnant women, playgrounds, baby showers, birth stories, kids' movies, birthday parties and much more. I feel so sad and hopeless. My infertility makes me feel unsettled. My life is on hold. Making decisions about my immediate and my long-term future seems impossible. I can't decide about education, career, purchasing a home, pursuing a hobby, getting a pet, vacations, business trips and houseguests. The more I struggle with my infertility, the less control I have. This struggle has no timetable; the treatments have no guarantees. The only sure things are that I need to be near my partner at fertile times and near my doctor at treatment times. Should I pursue adoption? Should I take expensive drugs? Should I pursue more specialized and costly medical intervention? It feels unsettling to have no clear, easy answers or guarantees.
Occasionally I feel my panic subside. I'm learning some helpful ways to cope; I'm now convinced I'm not crazy, and I believe I'll survive. I'm learning to listen to my body and to be assertive, not aggressive, about my needs. I'm realizing that good medical care and good emotional care are not necessarily found in the same place. I'm trying to be more than an infertile person gaining enthusiasm, joyfulness, and zest for life.
You can help me. I know you care about me and I know my infertility affects our relationship. My sadness causes you sadness; what hurts me, hurts you, too. I believe we can help each other through this sadness. Individually we both seem quite powerless, but together we can be stronger. Maybe some of these hints will help us to better understand infertility.
I need you to be a listener. Talking about my struggle helps me to make decisions. Let me know you are available for me. It's difficult for me to expose my private thoughts if you are rushed or have a deadline for the end of our conversation. Please don't tell me of all the worse things that have happened to others or how easily someone else's infertility was solved. Every case is individual. Please don't just give advice; instead, guide me with your questions. Assure me that you respect my confidences, and then be certain that you deserve my trust. While listening try to maintain an open mind. I need you to be supportive. Understand that my decisions aren't made casually,I've agonized over them. Remind me that you respect these decisions even if you disagree with them, because you know they are made carefully. Don't ask me, "Are you sure?" Repeatedly remind me that you love me no matter what. I need to hear it so badly. Let me know you understand that this is very hard work. Help me realize that I may need additional support from professional caregivers and appropriate organizations. Perhaps you can suggest resources. You might also need support for yourself, and I fear I'm unable to provide it for you; please don't expect me to do so. Help me to keep sight of my goal.
I need you to be comfortable with me, and then I also will feel more comfortable. Talking about infertility sometimes feels awkward. Are you worried you might say the wrong thing? Share those feelings with me. Ask me if I want to talk. Sometimes I will want to, and sometimes I won't, but it will remind me that you care.
I need you to be sensitive. Although I may joke about infertility to help myself cope, it doesn't seem as funny when others joke about it. Please don't tease me with remarks like, "You don't seem to know how to do it." Don't trivialize my struggle by saying, "I'd be glad to give you one of my kids." It's no comfort to hear empty reassurances like, "You'll be a parent by this time next year." Don't minimize my feelings with, "You shouldn't be so unhappy." For now, don't push me into uncomfortable situations like baby showers or family reunions. I already feel sad and guilty; please don't also make me feel guilty for disappointing you.
I need you to be honest with me. Let me know that you may need time to adjust to some of my decisions. I also needed adjustment time. If there are things you don't understand, say so. Please be gentle when you guide me to be realistic about things I can't change such as my age, some medical conditions, financial resources, and employment obligations. Don't hide information about others' pregnancies from me. Although such news makes me feel very sad, it feels worse when you leave me out.
I need you to be informed. Your advice and suggestions are only frustrating to me me if they aren't based on fact. Be well informed so you can educate others when they make remarks based on myths. Don't let anyone tell you that my infertility will be cured if I relax and adopt. Don't tell me this is God's will. Don't ask me to justify my need to parent. Don't criticize my course of action or my choice of physician even though I may do that myself. Reassure yourself that I am also searching for plenty of information which helps me make more knowledgeable decisions about my options.
I need you to be patient. Remember that working through infertility is a process. It takes time. There are no guarantees, no package deals, no complete kits, no one right answer, and no "quickie" choices. My needs change; my choices change. Yesterday I demanded privacy, but today I need you for strength. You have many feelings about infertility, and I do too. Please allow me to have anger, joy, sadness, and hope. Don't minimize or evaluate my feelings. Just allow me to have them, and give me time.
I need you to be strengthening by boosting my self esteem. My sense of worthlessness hampers my ability to take charge. My personal privacy has repeatedly been invaded. I've been subjected to postcoital exams, semen collection in waiting room bathrooms, and tests in rooms next to labor rooms. Enjoyable experiences with you such as a lunch date, a shopping trip, or a visit to a museum help me feel normal.Encourage me to maintain my sense of humor; guide me to find joys. Celebrate with me my successes, even ones as small as making it through a medical appointment without crying. Remind me that I am more than an infertile person. Help me by sharing your strength.Eventually I will be beyond the struggle of infertility. I know my infertility will never completely go away because it will change my life. I won't be able to return to the person I was before infertility, but I also will no longer be controlled by this struggle. I will leave the struggle behind me, and from that I will have improved my skills for empathy, patience, resilience, forgiveness, decision-making and self-assessment. I feel grateful that you are trying to ease my journey through this infertility struggle by giving me your understanding.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Hurt
It has been a very long week. Work has been terrible. There is a ton of mismanagement going around that does not affect me directly but leaves my medical assistants overworked and in tears daily. I then have to pick up the pieces and yet cannot do anything to make the situation better.
I feel I am getting burnt out and I still have at least 2.5 years left there. This week I have had visits with a little girl whose mother swung her into a wall head first by her mother, a 3 yo boy sexually molested by his uncle, a 5yo who does not speak and whose parents have never had evaluated (despite all of our offices best efforts over the past 4 years) and more general neglect than I can articulate. Some days it is just too much. And of course, there is always the question of how come they can have children and I can't.
I feel I am getting burnt out and I still have at least 2.5 years left there. This week I have had visits with a little girl whose mother swung her into a wall head first by her mother, a 3 yo boy sexually molested by his uncle, a 5yo who does not speak and whose parents have never had evaluated (despite all of our offices best efforts over the past 4 years) and more general neglect than I can articulate. Some days it is just too much. And of course, there is always the question of how come they can have children and I can't.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Cuckoo for cocca puffs
Let me tell you how much I am enjoying my latest round of Clomid. I took my first dose yesterday morning and by late afternoon, I thought my ovaries were going to explode. I could totally feel them kicking it into high gear. Today I have a headache and while Frank and I were out running errands, I spontaneously burst into tears. There was no reason for me to be crying and I acknowledge that, but I could. not. stop. I guess that's why they call it the Clomid crazies.
Anyway, I am super excited for the Giants to be in the Super Bowl. I would love love love to go, but seeing as how that will likely be right around when we would be doing IUI #3, I don't think its going to happen.
Anyway, I am super excited for the Giants to be in the Super Bowl. I would love love love to go, but seeing as how that will likely be right around when we would be doing IUI #3, I don't think its going to happen.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
I am not an RE but I play one on TV
So IUI #2 is a bust. So much for worrying about HOM. Sigh. I had a few really bad days but I think I am feeling a little better. I just have this nagging feeling that we are going to have to do IVF. And I have NO idea how we are going to pay for it.
For now, we are on to IUI #3. I have so many questions for my RE. I have spoken to the nurses and we will agin be doing Clomid but only for 4 days this time and at a different dose... 150mg cd4, 100mg cd 5-6, and 50mg cd7. I have never heard of a dose like this before but we will see. I also won't even be seeing my RE for my first monitoring session b/c I can't get to the office he will be at. So I will go to my regular office and get the b/w and US and then wait to hear what to do. Frank thinks we need to do back to back IUIs. I do not necessarily disagree. I think I need a trigger shot b/c some of my follies were large (29 the day before IUI) and I am afraid they may have been too mature.
Isn't fun to play RE!
For now, we are on to IUI #3. I have so many questions for my RE. I have spoken to the nurses and we will agin be doing Clomid but only for 4 days this time and at a different dose... 150mg cd4, 100mg cd 5-6, and 50mg cd7. I have never heard of a dose like this before but we will see. I also won't even be seeing my RE for my first monitoring session b/c I can't get to the office he will be at. So I will go to my regular office and get the b/w and US and then wait to hear what to do. Frank thinks we need to do back to back IUIs. I do not necessarily disagree. I think I need a trigger shot b/c some of my follies were large (29 the day before IUI) and I am afraid they may have been too mature.
Isn't fun to play RE!
Because its the circus????
I had a little girl in the office on Thursday who came in with her mom because of a rash on her cotton candy. And this was mom's terminology.
Seriously?
Seriously?
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Go Giants!!!!
Yesterday I worked in the morning which was not bad at all and then we went to our friends house to play Wii. Love the Wii. I got one for Frank for Christmas as well and between the games we had and theirs we didn't get to half of them. So much fun.
Today we went to see Juno which was a great movie but caused me to break out into tears at a few points. At one part the main character says to the potential adoptive mom of her baby "You're lucky it's not in your stomach" Ouch! That kind of stung. But, overall, it was really good. Then we came home and watched the Giants BEAT the Cowboys!!!!!! I love it. Totally made my week.
Today we went to see Juno which was a great movie but caused me to break out into tears at a few points. At one part the main character says to the potential adoptive mom of her baby "You're lucky it's not in your stomach" Ouch! That kind of stung. But, overall, it was really good. Then we came home and watched the Giants BEAT the Cowboys!!!!!! I love it. Totally made my week.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Its been one week......
Please note title of post should be sung to the Bare Naked Ladies Song
So its been one week since the IUI. Technically, today is 8dpIUI, or 8 days post IUI. I don't feel anything different, not that that I expect to. Ask any women going through IF and she will tell you she lives her life in 2 week increments. Waiting approx two weeks to ovulate and then another 2 weeks to see if you are pregnant. Personally, I do really well the first week past ovulation. I don't really think about things and I just live my life. Well, that is a lie. I am always thinking about infertility, but I do not obsess as much as I do the second week.
So now begins the second week, or as I like to call it the week of phantom symptoms. I can convince myself during this week that I am pregnant in numerous ways. Every gas pain, trip to pee, and vein in my boobs clearly points to my knocked up state.....or a bad dinner that night before. It is during this time that hope shows up on my doorstep begging to be let in. Of course, you let her stay for too long and she causes all sorts of havoc when you have to kick her out b/c aunt flow has come to take her place. So, this month, or should I say week, I am going to try an keep busy so as not to obsess on my symptoms, or lack thereof.
Wait, I just felt a twinge in my breast.
So its been one week since the IUI. Technically, today is 8dpIUI, or 8 days post IUI. I don't feel anything different, not that that I expect to. Ask any women going through IF and she will tell you she lives her life in 2 week increments. Waiting approx two weeks to ovulate and then another 2 weeks to see if you are pregnant. Personally, I do really well the first week past ovulation. I don't really think about things and I just live my life. Well, that is a lie. I am always thinking about infertility, but I do not obsess as much as I do the second week.
So now begins the second week, or as I like to call it the week of phantom symptoms. I can convince myself during this week that I am pregnant in numerous ways. Every gas pain, trip to pee, and vein in my boobs clearly points to my knocked up state.....or a bad dinner that night before. It is during this time that hope shows up on my doorstep begging to be let in. Of course, you let her stay for too long and she causes all sorts of havoc when you have to kick her out b/c aunt flow has come to take her place. So, this month, or should I say week, I am going to try an keep busy so as not to obsess on my symptoms, or lack thereof.
Wait, I just felt a twinge in my breast.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Gold Medal
IUI #2 is done. The procedure itself was quick and painless, it is really no more than a pap smear, getting there was another story. I really think we should petition to have IUIs included in the Summer Olympics. The could be several events.....
1. Drop everything: This event would be timed from the late afternoon phone call informing you that based on your bloodwork you need to be seen tomorrow for IUI at a predetermined time. Points awarded for how quickly you can rearrange your work and home schedule to make this happen.
2. Dump and run (men only): This would involve the men producing a sample and getting it a predetermined spot, either the RE office or to their wife for pick up. Bonus points for depositing samples in inconvenient situations. Say, for example, the bathroom stall at your office.
3. Hand off: This is the passing of the specimen from husband to wife on her way to the Drs. office. Points for speed and packaging of the goods during the hand off.
3. Heat is on: This event requires that the specimen provided stays at body temperature until it arrives at the office for SA and IUI. Bonus points for creativity in keeping the specimen at the right degree.
4. Race to the finish. The equivalent of the 100 yd dash in track & field, the final event challenges you to arrive safely at the RE office one hour production of the sample. You lose points for any encountered traffic jams or construction zones.
I really think it could be a fan favorite. And Lord knows, I am already in training for the Gold!
1. Drop everything: This event would be timed from the late afternoon phone call informing you that based on your bloodwork you need to be seen tomorrow for IUI at a predetermined time. Points awarded for how quickly you can rearrange your work and home schedule to make this happen.
2. Dump and run (men only): This would involve the men producing a sample and getting it a predetermined spot, either the RE office or to their wife for pick up. Bonus points for depositing samples in inconvenient situations. Say, for example, the bathroom stall at your office.
3. Hand off: This is the passing of the specimen from husband to wife on her way to the Drs. office. Points for speed and packaging of the goods during the hand off.
3. Heat is on: This event requires that the specimen provided stays at body temperature until it arrives at the office for SA and IUI. Bonus points for creativity in keeping the specimen at the right degree.
4. Race to the finish. The equivalent of the 100 yd dash in track & field, the final event challenges you to arrive safely at the RE office one hour production of the sample. You lose points for any encountered traffic jams or construction zones.
I really think it could be a fan favorite. And Lord knows, I am already in training for the Gold!
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Cluck Cluck
My follies today were bigger. I now have 4 that measure b/t 19-29!!!!!!! I think I qualify as a chicken. I am scheduled for IUI tomorrow afternoon based on my bloodwork today. Suffice it to say that this is going to require some very creative timing to get myself and Franks sample to the RE office on time. The office in Paoli mind you, 15 miles from the office I usually go to and even farther from my office. So....let the ovulating begin. I am sure it is not going to feel pretty.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Recap
Ok, so if I am going to be serious about this blog, I guess I need to catch up since the last time I posted.
Our first cycle with the RE was a bust. We did an unmedicated IUI and Franks post wash SA was not too bad. Everyone seemed happy about the numbers. Re told me to call him in 2 weeks and tell him I was pregnant. How I wish I could have done that. Instead, I called with my period and was started on Clomid 100mg cd 4-5 followed by 50mg cd6-8. I did not have too many side effects, some HA and some moodiness.
Apparently, I am a cheap date. That is what the RE called me. My RE, whom I love, is on vacation until next week so I saw one of his partners. I have 4 follies b/t 16-25 as of yesterday. Which means that in theory that should all of Franks sperm decide to learn to swim, we could have quads! Sub RE tried to dissuade me from the IUI but admitted that he is more conservative and my RE would continue on. So, I think that is likely what we will do. I have another apt in the am and see ready my follies are then.
Our first cycle with the RE was a bust. We did an unmedicated IUI and Franks post wash SA was not too bad. Everyone seemed happy about the numbers. Re told me to call him in 2 weeks and tell him I was pregnant. How I wish I could have done that. Instead, I called with my period and was started on Clomid 100mg cd 4-5 followed by 50mg cd6-8. I did not have too many side effects, some HA and some moodiness.
Apparently, I am a cheap date. That is what the RE called me. My RE, whom I love, is on vacation until next week so I saw one of his partners. I have 4 follies b/t 16-25 as of yesterday. Which means that in theory that should all of Franks sperm decide to learn to swim, we could have quads! Sub RE tried to dissuade me from the IUI but admitted that he is more conservative and my RE would continue on. So, I think that is likely what we will do. I have another apt in the am and see ready my follies are then.
Resolutions
Happy New Year!
I do not usually make resolutions but this year my resolution is to work on this blogging thing. I really do want to have something concrete written to look back on when this whole process is over.
Wish me Luck!
I do not usually make resolutions but this year my resolution is to work on this blogging thing. I really do want to have something concrete written to look back on when this whole process is over.
Wish me Luck!
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