The most wonderful time of the year

Shamrock Shakes are back!!!!!!

It is VERY exciting.

Emotions

When we first realized that we were going to have trouble getting pregnant, I approached as a medical problem. What is wrong and how do we fix it? I said I didn't care how we got pregnant as long as it happened. I think I was kidding myself. I get it now when I read about women who have gone through infertility who say they are never the same. I feel like I got robbed.

I got pregnant on a table with my feet up in stirrups. Depending on which IUI we count as conception (I did b2b this last round), my husband was not even in the same town when it happened. There was no romance, no candles and lord knows no sex. We will never, without a miracle, be able to say lets start trying for the next one and be pregnant a few months later. It will be calculated and involve medical intervention. I will always have a pang in my heart when I hear people say they got pregnant without even trying.

I realize I am one of the lucky ones. I got pregnant. I did not have to go thorough the emotional, physical, or financial drain that is IVF. I have a bit of survivors guilt about that as well. There are so many women out there battling infertility who will be awesome mothers, why was I blessed?

I am eternally grateful for this pregnancy, but I do not think it erases the process, nor should it. I am more patient ( well maybe only a little), educated, and empathetic because of infertility. It will always be a part our story, and I will always be infertile.

Numbers

1 yolk sac and fetal pole seen on ultrasound yesterday

12 percent risk of miscarriage at this point as quoted by my RE

2 weeks until my next ultrasound

Worry Wart

I don't know what I thought it would be like once I was finally pregnant. Not so much fun, I am finding. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining, we worked long and hard to get here. It is just that I am finding myself in a constant state of dread. "What if it is a blighted ovum?" "What if it is an ectopic?" I run through multiple miscarriage scenarios in my head daily. Morbid, right? Hopefully I will feel better after my appointment, Monday. I realize that there is nothing that I can do about it, so I should just enjoy that fact that I am pregnant, but man is that harder said than done for my type A self.

PS: Yay for spellcheck working again. Sorry for all misspellings in my previous posts. Spelling is not my friend.

My new favorite number

293!!!! That is my first beta at 14/15dpIUI. I don't have to go in again til next Mon for more b/w and an U/S. So for now I will obsess over beta levels in single and multiple gestations even though I know you can not tell anything from a number.

Its going to be a LONG week.

Sometimes I am wrong

IUI # 3 worked!

For now we are pregnant and cautiously optimistic. I should have my first beta on Mon.

Happy Valentine's Day

I am not much of a Valentine's Day girl, way to much of a prefabricated holiday for me. I always get Frank a card, but thats it. He did get me a cute teddy bear and some chocolate which was very sweet. He is going to be late coming home from work tonight so we were going to do takeout and we are so pathetic, we can't decide what to get and will likely end up with food from the restaurant down the street. Don't get me wrong, their food is good, but we eat there alot.
Sigh.

In other news, I have none but I am guessing we will not be having an October baby based on my slowly infringing PMS symptoms. I'll keep you posted.

Parents say the darndest things

During the physical exam of a 4yo little girl, I asked the mother if anyone smokes at home. Her response...... "I do, but I am going to quit because I am getting closer to my due date".

After speaking to a mother about her son's recent labwork, I was explaining to her the procedure to have further fasting blood work drawn. I explained that he must not eat or drink anything after 10pm the night before the test. Her response......"Oh, just like the abortion clinic".

I couldn't make this shit up.

Fallout

Oh dear. I seemed to have created a shitstorm.

On Tuesday, February 12th, there is a bill going before the PA house of representatives to mandate insurance coverage of infertility in PA. If you can take a few minutes to send a letter of support to the representatives on the insurance committee please follow the link.

https://secure2.convio.net/res/site/Advocacy?JServSessionIdr004=9v1vfxm1h1.app14b&cmd=display&page=UserAction&id=171


So I found out about this a few days ago and sent a letter to some of our friends who live in PA. I figure the more people who can show support of the bill the better, right? Some of the people I sent it to were not aware of our infertility and I knew that. As I have said many times before, we are not hiding anything, but we are not broadcasting it to the masses either. If people ask, we tell them. Anyway, the response has been mostly positive, with responses of "absolutely we will sign" and "we are thinking about you". But there always has to be one.

Frank has friends that did IVF for their first child and were blessed to get pregnant naturally with their second. We have not seen them since November really, when we went out to dinner with a large group of people. Well, last night Frank gets an email from this friend basically bitching him out for not having told them about our infertility. Saying, how maybe they could have helped and clearly we are not good enough friends since we did not tell them.
Excuse me, BUT THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU! I did not realize we were obligated to tell anybody, anything. Not that it matters, but the only people who before a few days ago knew everything were my closest friends. Our families don't even know yet because we did not want to bring down Christmas and have not seen them since. So now there is all this drama and Frank is pissed and I am disgusted. Hopefully, this bill will be passed and it will all be worth it.

ZZZZZZZZZ

So tired.

I gave up caffeine for Lent and anyone who knows me, knows of my addiction to Diet Coke. I don't do coffee, but I could drink a 12 pack of Diet Coke in a day without trying too hard. I didn't think I was going to make it yesterday. I fell asleep on the couch at 7:30 last night and woke at 9pm only to get to bed where I slept til this morning.
Is it Easter yet?

Cake anyone?

So we were a go for IUI 3.5 today. Frank was able to change his work schedule around so that he could produce a sample at home and not repeat the work bathroom fiasco of IUI#2. He handed me the sample saying "Here's the baby batter!". Baby Batter????? I don't know whether to be highly amused or totally disgusted by that phrase.

Our numbers were not nearly as good today. 11 mil prewash and motility about 30%. Dr. G is talking about one more Clomid cycle before IVF. I am conflicted here. I truly feel that IVF is what we need to get us pregnant, but we can do one more cycle before we break for IVF (an IVF cycle requires much more prep than IUI and often a course of birth control pills). Part of me says try injectibles rather than Clomid, as they have a higher chance of success. Dr. G does not require an injectibles cycle prior to IVF (some do) as he feel that if you do not respond well to stims during IVF you can always downgrade to IUI, but if you respond very well during an IUI cycle, it is harder to make it IVF and you run the risk of canceling the cycle due to the chance of high order multiples. But, if is not pushing injectibles yet, Clomid is ALOT cheaper!
Anyway, all we can do for right now is wait. Which, by the way, I stink at.

Wow

NY Giants are the Superbowl Champs!!!!!

Woo Hoo!

Gameday

I went in for IUI #3 today which is fitting as it is also the Superbowl, featuring the NY GIANTS!!! I think I am more excited about the superbowl than the IUI. Everything went swimmingly (pun intended), and Franks motility was the best it has ever been by far and his count was good as well. I have 2 follicles 21 and 26mm which have not released yet. This means that instead of sleeping in tomorrow I will be having yet another insemination. As my RE said "you have nothing to lose and everything to gain" by doing another one.

Frank has been an awesome cheerleader. HE is very optimistic and thinks there is no way this will not work. Me, I am going through the motions, expecting it not to work and hoping to be proved wrong. Frank feels that the fact that the IUI happened on Superbowl sunday, and the fact that the Giants are in the superbowl by a miracle equals us being pregnant in two weeks. I love his optimism.

If this works and its a boy we may just have to name him Plaxico.

A sorta kinda plan

My U/S today showed that the larger follies have grown and the smaller ones fizzled out. Not surprising. We are scheduled for IUI #3 tomorrow am unless todays bloodwork shows differently.

In prehaps more exciting news, I finally got to meet with MY RE. I am so possessive. I have not seen him since early Dec due to his vacation right in the midst of my cycle. When I asked him how he could possibly abandone me re responded "hey if you weren't going to get pregnant, I wasn't sticking around". I love that he is as sarcastic as I am. I do not do uptight and serious well. I think that this may be my last cycle of Clomid. We are in agreement that if it was going to work it should have by now, keeping in mind that we are not counting out this cycle yet (well I am in a way). So, our next steps are injectibles or IVF. He was not committed to having to do an injectible cycle prior to IVF, and said that IVF would likely be his preference. Now Here is the FANTASTIC part......He said he could likely get me free meds for IVF (~$4000) and take a couple thousand off the price!!!!!!!!!! I love that man. I think Frank loves him more.

If this cycle does not work, I would like to get one more in before we leave for Honduras. We will only be gone for 10days but I would not be able to have any monitoring done. I figure if we do not get pregnant this cycle or next, I can start BCPs for IVF while we are traveling. So, we have nothing definitive but we have a general direction. Of, course, this IUI could always work. Right.