When we first realized that we were going to have trouble getting pregnant, I approached as a medical problem. What is wrong and how do we fix it? I said I didn't care how we got pregnant as long as it happened. I think I was kidding myself. I get it now when I read about women who have gone through infertility who say they are never the same. I feel like I got robbed.
I got pregnant on a table with my feet up in stirrups. Depending on which IUI we count as conception (I did b2b this last round), my husband was not even in the same town when it happened. There was no romance, no candles and lord knows no sex. We will never, without a miracle, be able to say lets start trying for the next one and be pregnant a few months later. It will be calculated and involve medical intervention. I will always have a pang in my heart when I hear people say they got pregnant without even trying.
I realize I am one of the lucky ones. I got pregnant. I did not have to go thorough the emotional, physical, or financial drain that is IVF. I have a bit of survivors guilt about that as well. There are so many women out there battling infertility who will be awesome mothers, why was I blessed?
I am eternally grateful for this pregnancy, but I do not think it erases the process, nor should it. I am more patient ( well maybe only a little), educated, and empathetic because of infertility. It will always be a part our story, and I will always be infertile.
1 comment:
You know, I get this. Even though I didn't experience infertility, I think understand what you're saying. I hope that as this pregnancy progresses and once you have a baby, that the disappointed feelings (not that you are pregnant but of exactly how you came to be so) will seem less pronounced. It's a lot to take in right now.
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